I had a bit of an epiphany the other day – maybe it wasn’t an epiphany just a cool though I wanted to share..
You know how you start looking for a car and then when you start looking at one car you see it everywhere? It’s kind of what has been happening to me lately regarding a concept. Hmm..This is kinda like the “law of attraction”
A couple of weeks ago a distant friend replied to a new year message after reading my blog saying , “ I hope you find what you are looking for.” And it made me think firstly – if I had gone looking for anything and secondly : If I had gone looking for it , had I found it ? I thought about it for a few days and didn’t come up with anything – yet figured that if I was looking for something – I had probably found much more than what I was looking for.
Next, my brother found his ipod in Kinshasa that he had left there the last time we were here which was a year and a half ago and suddenly he started playing a song that I used to be obsessed with called “Boston” by Augustana. The lyrics go “She said I think I’ll go to Boston…I think I’ll start a new life,
I think I’ll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I’ll get out of California, I’m tired of the weather,
I think I’ll get a lover and fly him out to Spain…” Now now let’s not jump to conclusions – I didn’t get that lover from Spain 🙂 but I did get a place where noone knew my name and I don’t even know if I did that deliberately.It was refreshing in a sense where I knew absolutely nobody knew me. Obviously I was also dealing with a completely different age group – much older or just the kids from Kibaha – noone really of my own age but it was nice. After giving it a bit of thought I realized Tanzania had been my Boston. It had been a place where no one knew me and it was just a completely new place. SO here I had gone to a completely new place where I knew absolutely noone and what had I gone looking for and why?
Then randomly I picked up a book sitting at home called , “ The Third Man Factor.” I’m not a huge reader and actually hardly finish books but I do start them J. It was the sub-title that caught my eye , “ The Secret to Survival in Extreme Environments.” I had actually jus t been watching “Ultimate Survival” on the Discovery Channel where the guy pretends he’s in the extreme environments and has to survive and I kind of find these things fascinating cause I wouldn’t be surprised if I was caught in one. So , I started reading the foreword ( which I never actually do) but I did and he says something that kind of brought my puzzle together. He says, “ Humans are inclined to be connected to one another. We seek the company of friends and family, we congregate in towns and cities and the groups we belong to – our communities of faith our co-workers, and our neighborhoods- form part of our sense of self and place. Yet, despite these social inclinations, there are journeys that humans make that are difficult, and undertaken either alone or in small groups. Some of these challenges are sought voluntarily as in the case of grueling, long-distance voyages to remote parts of the world and in practice of some traditional spiritual quests. “ And that’s when it clicked – yes I had gone on some kind of spiritual conquest.That sounded like exactly what I had just done and I think he pinpoints it when he talks about going to the Arcitc and says , “ it is one of the places where men and women have sought to make lonely and difficult journeys to discover both the place and themselves.” Now I hadn’t gone to the Arctic ( which is not that bad of an idea J Just Kidding Dad :D) but I had gone somewhere where the rest of my world kind of took a step back. I had gone in search of myself. I once read “To Hear God’s Voice , Turn Down the World’s Volume.” So even thought I had my friends close enough ( and by that I mean through the use of the internet) I was far enough to try and figure things out – what I really wanted to do and what my purpose was. So here I was living out my “Boston” In search of me and God – the voice within.
It reminds me of a girl we met on Kili and she said “ Can you believe we’re paying to do this?” And it was true – we were paying to do one of the hardest things we would ever do ( also torturing our bodies to a certain extent )and why( other than reaching the highest point in Africa? Maybe it was to find an inner strength that we all know is within us but only comes out when we really need it.
So yes, some of us are forced into difficult situations where that strength shows itself and other we go looking for it voluntarily – in search of ourselves… .or God…or just trying to listen to what our heart truly wants..